If The Carolina Panthers Treated Their Fans The Way We Treat Them

Have you ever wondered how great it would be if the Carolina Panthers players and their kids came by one day a week to pay money to watch you work? How would they treat you? Would they offer unsolicited advice and shouts of support screaming for you to get moving? How many of them would call radio stations and demand that you need to be fired?

"I can't believe Zack forgot the cheese on Amanda's bagel! Can you believe that, Tom? Amanda has always had pepperjack on her bagel for six years straight and for some reason Zack just moved on to the ham and butter without the most important ingredient in the entire meal! Ham's not even good for you! It's pork! Why are you worried about Amanda getting ham on her bagel when she needs that delicious gourmet melt of pepperjack goodness!"

"Is this a sign of concern for Zack? Should the Bagel Manager fire him; do you think?"

"They need to send somebody else when Amanda or anyone who wants cheese on their bagel shows up?"

"Who's going to replace him though? Diana isn't ready. She barely knows how to tell the difference between provolone and swiss. It's only her second week."


when Mister Foxwell, the math teacher, at Quail Hollow Middle School, finishes the problem, the entire Panthers offensive line, shouts from the back of the classroom and does the wave. But when Kennedy asks a question in class, Mr. Foxwell scolds her for not paying attention, they boo him.

"That was a bad call, Foxwell! What are you thinking? There was nothing wrong with that question!"

"Come on, Foxwell! She even had her hand up the whole time!"

"She's got tiny arms but you could have seen that!"


When the landscaper is mowing the lawn, Sam Darnold yells "Go left! Go left! Watch out for those roses! Too close to the roses!"


Shaq Thompson watching a police car chase a bicycle thief

"Go! Get him! Get him, Officer Marla! Hit the tire! YES! TURNOVER! CUFFS DOWN!!"


"I don't think Larry will make it as a truck driver. He moves too slow. He takes too many rest stop breaks. He doesn't have the vision to see the road the way he used to be able to do."
---Christian McCafferey


Ikem Ekwonu commenting on a court trial:

"The attorney's stance in court during the opening argument is too low. He needs to straighten his back more and not lean so uncomfortably towards the jury like that. He looks too aggressive."


Zane Gonzalez watching a kindergarten teacher tie a student's shoe in Pineville Elementary

"Hurry up, Mrs. Baxter! It's only two minutes before recess is over and you're making him late! Come on, Baxter! Move them fat fingers around those lace! You got it! Aww his shoe fell off! Now he's late and it's all your fault! It's okay Little Tyrone! It's not your fault!"


Brian Burns and Derrick Brown at a computer YouTubing clips of Jehovah's Witnesses going door-to-door

"Check out how these two snuck up right by the edge of the garage as Mr. Moore walks his lawnmower at the side of the house. That was just great planning on their part because he can't get through the back door or the front door without acknowledging their presence."

"Yeah, I can't believe how patient they were at not even approaching the house until he was outside and started running the motor."

"That's old school. They don't teach that too much anymore."


Matt Moore talking about today's construction workers.

"Today's carpenters are nothing like back in the 90s when they had real men working construction! Nowadays these guys are building small warehouses! They used to build entire skyscrapers! Bunch of pansies!"

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