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Panthers vs Lions: 4 questions with Pride of Detroit

I mean, I guess both of these teams play the same sport for the same professional organization.

Carolina Panthers v Baltimore Ravens

The Detroit Lions and the Carolina Panthers square off in Charlotte on Sunday in a matchup that literally nobody has circled on their calendars. The Panthers are a team that feel like they are on the upswing, or will be once they can get healthy. The Lions still exist in the NFC North, I assume. Not in a “alive in the playoff hunt” way, mind you, just in a “oh look, those guys still. . . are” kind of way. Of course, that’s no reason to expect the Panthers—who may well be without Teddy Bridgewater at quarterback—will walk away with any quality of win.

This week, I spoke with Mike Payton of Pride of Detroit to figure out what exactly is going on in Matt Patricia’s third season as a head coach and why it is all bad. Also, there is some nominally related-to-football content. Enjoy.

The Panthers seem to like setting records against the Lions in odd years. In 2011, Kealoha Pilares returned a kickoff for a touchdown for a then-Panthers franchise record 101 yards. In 2017, Ed Dickson set a career high in receiving yards with 5 catches for 175 yards because apparently y’all forgot he was a Panther that week. With 2020 being an honorary odd year, what kind of record day do you see the Lions surrendering this year?

I’m not sure there will be any odd record this year. The oddity that’s reserved for this game will be that this is the game that gets PJ Walker paid for the rest of his career. This will be his Matt Flynn game, his Kevin Kolb game, his Nick Foles game and his Jonas Gray game. I expect him to have an all world performance and be either signed to a massive contract by the Bears or The Rock will make him the face of the XFL’s third attempt. Also he will neve have another good game after that, but will continue to get paid regardless because the people that are supposed to be smart in football are actually dumb.

The Lions are tied for third in the NFC North and the tie isn’t even with Chicago. The division is a dumpster fire (this coming from the school of “it takes one to know one”) and the only reason either of us aren’t getting more national attention is because the NFC East forgot to even ask somebody to hold their beer before igniting an entire trash barge. What went wrong this season and why are the Panthers a good team to help the Lions get back on track?

Well it’s Bill Nye The Science Guy. It’s Doctor Man Coverage himself. I’m talking about Matt “my players drink mimosas in the locker room at the end of a losing season because they’re happy they don’t have to be around me anymore” Patricia.

Imagine Kurt Russell showing up in Miracle to get the USA Hockey team ready to beat Russia and they’ve already beaten them five times. Still he makes them skate laps until they puke and they wind up being worse than before and and everyone dies in the Cold War. That’s what Patrica and his 1962 run, run and pass offense has done to this team. They won’t get back on track against the Panthers. There is no track.

Matt Patricia. . . yeah. Are y’all OK?

Dammit we’re not. Last week Lions fans were on twitter begging for the Washington Football Team to beat the Lions so this nightmare can finally be over. They’ve destroyed this team man. Things are not going to be OK.

Let me lay out what’s going down in Detroit real quick. The Lions will probably lose to the Panthers on Sunday and then the Texans on Thanksgiving. The Ford family will fire Patrica and general manager Bob Quinn. They’ll begin their GM search and wind up somehow hiring someone from the Patriots again and then somehow Bill O’Brien will become head coach.

Then because they refused to get Kenny Golladay a new deal, he’ll leave the team and probably wind up in Green Bay or something. The Lions currently have two receivers on contract in 2021. Geronimo Allison and Quintez Cephus. So that’s not good.

It’s like these guys were sent back in time to destroy the Lions from the inside out. I mean if they just told us they were doing it to prevent judgment day, I would be understanding and not mad at all. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Rant over.

Matt Stafford and D’Andre Swift have recently headlined the Lions’ injury reports. What’s going on up there and, between that and the Panthers own lingering woes, is there any hope this won’t be a glorified preseason game?

I expect Matthew Stafford to play in this game. the guy would play with two broken legs if they could find a way to get the wheelchair to roll on the field. His thumb injury came somewhat early in last Sunday’s game and he still managed to throw two more touchdowns after that and set the Lions up to win with a Matt Prater field goal with 16 seconds left. If things go sideways and he doesn’t play, Chase Daniel vs PJ Walker might actually be so bad it’s fun.

As for as Swift goes, he has a concussion and at this point it’s all but confirmed that he won’t play Sunday. So look for Adrian Peterson to do absolutely nothing against the Panthers except for his weekly good 10-15 yard run.