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Panthers vs Falcons: 5 questions with the Falcoholic

It’s been a year for our neighbors, bless their hearts. We tried to be gentle and holiday friendly. Come see how we did.

Minnesota Vikings lose to Atlanta Falcons
The happiest picture of any fans at a Falcons game in 2020.
Photo by Elizabeth Flores/Star Tribune via Getty Images

The Atlanta Falcons picked a great year to have an awful year. Nobody is really going to notice around the league that their hall-of-famer laden offense is sleeping in most mornings and their milk carton adorning defense takes the second half off because the 2020 season is all about that big * next to winners names anyway.

That said, their fans must be having a rough go of it and it’s always hard to say good bye to an old head coach and general manager when you know that your franchise’s version of Marty Hurney is holding a soup cup right outside Arthur Blank’s door with an adorable, yet practiced, little pout on his face.

Still, it’s Halloween. That probably means something. So in that vein, we have asked Matt Chambers of the Falcoholic about the scariest things we can imagine for a Falcons fans to take them off the present. Read on to learn about the fan perspective on regime change and the lingering curse of Super Bowl LI.

If the Falcons were any good, what would the Panthers have to worry about when playing against them? This can come in the form of surprise recoveries from injuries, unheralded rookies, Matt Ryan’s salary cap number getting a jersey and lining up as a guard, or that feeling we all hate when we steal candy from very suspecting yet overly confident babies.

The Falcons don’t have too much to be worried about. Of course there is Julio Jones. Calvin Ridley is good. Grady Jarrett is good. Everything else in between... is much less good. The Falcons are in desperate need of a creative, offensive mastermind. A soulless, spooky individual not afraid to go for the jugular... perhaps because they are undead? One who could crash a motorcycle and live.

Panthers need to worry about Bobby Petrino returning to Atlanta.

Matt Ryan threw a game sealing interception at 3:28pm EST the last time these two teams played, how will the curse affect this week’s meeting?

So 28 to 3 reminds me a lot about the 2007 movie 23.

In 23, Jim Carrey becomes plagued by the number 23. He starts seeing 23 everywhere, and realizes it is fully consuming his life for nefarious purposes. Carrey delivers a pretty mediocre performance about how the number has cursed his life.

So just like the 28-3 lead from the Super Bowl, the movie 23 sucks. Both suck and I hate them and I don’t plan on watching either one ever again.

Speaking of, Atlanta has lost three games against impossible odds this season as if they are haunted by the ghost of Super Bowl LI. Do you expect this curse to lift after Halloween or is Arthur Blank expecting to be visited by the Ghosts of Christmas Present and Future this season as well?

I don’t think the curse lifts until Arthur Blank returns what he stole from that previously undisturbed Egyptian catacomb, but I’m no expert in reading those hieroglyphics.

Jokes aside, how does it feel in the post Dann Quinn and Thomas Dimitroff era? Do Falcons fans have actual hope?

Every Falcons fan who has entered the new Mercedes-Benz stadium has seen the hallowed words above each entrance: “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.”

Jokes aside, there isn’t much to cling to right now. The Falcons are tight against the cap, we don’t know what will happen to top players like Matt Ryan and Julio Jones, and we don’t know who they will land to coach next season. The mid-season firing is tough because fans can’t immediately look at coaching and what top draft pick will pair with the new regime. Will the Falcons even have a top pick? The last few seasons have shown the Falcons have an unnatural ability to win a bunch of meaningless games to put them out of the race for a top prospect. Last November, the team was technically still in the running for Chase Young. Fans may mention Trevor Lawrence of Justin Fields but it is way too early to know if the Falcons will even have a shot.

So, no, there is no hope for this season being meaningful, and little reason to get excited at any point.

What’s your go to Waffle House order after watching the Falcons break your heart every week?

In Atlanta, you can order your hashbrowns crushed, despondent, and miserable. That means the wait staff will pour booze in your drink (dealer’s choice, as long as it is at least 80 proof).