In a newsworthy turn of events, Carolina Panthers backup quarterback Kyle Allen has pledged his preparedness to play on Sunday against the Arizona Cardinals in the increasingly likely event that Cam Newton is unable to. That will put him back under center behind a line that is much changed, but not necessarily improved from the last two times a Panthers backup started an NFL game. Neither of those guys—one of whom was also Allen— were able to finish the game.
A message from Kyle Allen pic.twitter.com/YJJAX2Dxrx— Carolina Panthers (@Panthers) September 18, 2019
Laying aside the fact that such preparedness is literally his job, the Cat Scratch Reader staff would like to help Allen with his pledge and so offer the following tips and positive motivations to help him out:
- Invest in bubble wrap, it may preserve that shoulder you injured the last time you played
- List to the right after the snap; favoring that side of your line might buy you a second
- Leaving it all on the field doesn’t mean you have to walk away on crutches
- Buy peace of mind by updating your life insurance beneficiaries before Sunday
- Every pass play is a bootleg right if you try hard enough
- Randomly ducking after your third step will help you dodge unblocked rushers
- Every completion is a win all on its own
- Always remember that Christian McCaffrey wants to take that hand off
- Daryl Williams’ energy drinks can always be spiked with stronger energy drinks
- Your family loves you Kyle, you don’t have to do this.