Here at CSR, we aren’t afraid to get our hands a little dirty to bring you, the readers, cutting edge reporting and news. So today, we had TerribleMetaphorGuy sneak into the Panthers HQ and pilfer the grievance list that Jerry Richardson filed with HR justifying his firing of Dave Gettleman. After looking at the list, it is no wonder that JR couldn’t wait any longer to fire this guy!
The Top 10 Reasons Dave Gettleman got Fired
10. Replaced the toilet paper roll in the executive bathroom hanging in the under position
9. Walked into work singing the jingle “Love that Chicken at Popeye’s”
8. Got caught sneaking candy into Kelvin Benjamin's meal plan, citing the fact he didn’t want him to sign a “bloated” contract
7. Prefers ADT over CPI security
6. Wouldn't shut up about wanting the "Cahnah Ahfice"
5. Brought Mr. Richardson a McDonald’s Sweet Tea before the Denver game
4. Told Ron Rivera he'd rather watch his house burn down than sign Josh Norman to a franchise tag
3. Referred to JR’s wife as a “Hog Molly” a little too loudly around the water cooler one day
2. Strongly preferred bar graphs to pie charts at meetings
And the number one reason Dave Gettleman was let go...
- Accidentally told Kawann Short to dot his T's and cross his I's while signing his new contract