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Area Man Praises Teammate while Secretly Plotting to Destroy Him

ORLANDO, FL - After a spirited day of light practice in the bright Florida sunshine, Charlotte, NC native Thomas Davis took a moment to reflect with reporters.

Thomas Davis and Jimmy Graham praticing together
He’s a lot smaller than he looks in this picture. —Thomas Davis

While sipping on an ice cold fruit punch flavored Capri-Sun, Thomas Davis took a moment to answer some questions from’s own, Erik Sommers, and reflect on his Pro Bowl squads practice leading up to Sunday’s big game.

Q: Tell us about today’s practice Thomas.

“You know its always good to get out there and play a little post-season football for some laughs. Coach had us out here for a solid 20 minutes of light drills and walk throughs while the catering crews re-stocked the buffet, and that felt just right to me. They were out of Guacamole anyway.” said Davis, reflecting on the days activities.

Q: Light drills and walk throughs? Didn’t always seem like that from where I stood.

“Oh you’re talking about that thing with Jimmy Graham? Haha. That wasn’t anything serious. He went up for a high ball and I yelled some things real loud and it scared him into dropping it, and that worked... so... might be part of my gameplan this week.”

Q: Field-side mics picked up something like “He dies at 9”?

“What?!? Play that back for me.


“Hah! No no no no... I yelled “THOSE FRIES ARE MINE!” right as he got his hands on the ball. See... i had part of a plate left over on the patio, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw one of the staff trying to clean it up. It distracted me just enough that Jimmy was able to get his only target of the day... and in the process he dropped the ball because I yelled so loud and angry.

At this point, Thomas pulls out another Capri-Sun and angrily fiddles with the straw until I finally help him get it through the seemingly impenetrable silver packaging.

“Thanks man, it was pretty hot out today. Felt I needed two juice boxes... gotta stay hydrated and all that.”

Q: Thomas, will you talk a little bit about being teammates with Jimmy? You guys have a history right?

“Yeah, you know, me and Jimmy have gotten into it a few times over the years...

thomas davis jimmy graham

... but that’s just part of the game. I’m an intense competitor, so is Jimmy, so naturally, we try to put each other in our respective places. I’m just a little better about it I guess. It’s going to be great having him as a teammate on Sunday. Let someone else worry about him.”

Q: What do you say about reports that you were in the AFC locker room earlier trying on jerseys and helmets covered in black visors?

“That’s ridiculous. I think we’re done here.” Davis replies, as he slurps the last bit of juice from his cold silver pouch of refreshment and heads to the locker room.

After a bit of walking around, this reporter found Jimmy Graham nervously turning up lids of coolers by the snack table in the locker room, only to find them full of ice and nothing else.

Q: Hi, Jimmy, A quick—

AHHHH! Oh god, its you. Sorry. I thought, you were... someone else.

... Word. What did you think of today’s practice?

“It was just... I dunno. Just good you know, to be like, uh, out on the field with... god are there no drinks left in this place?!?!? I’m so thirsty!”

Q: Did you not get one as you left the field?

“No, no.. well yes. I did. But, I gave it to someone. He needed it... more... right.”

Q: Who needed it more?

“Well... I had already punched the straw in, when-”

“When what...? Jimmy?” said Thomas Davis as he casually approached and patted Graham on the back while slurping the last bit of juice out of yet another Capri-Sun.

“Um... when. I... you know what. This is embarassing. I poked the straw all the way though the bottom and the juice went everywhere. I just didn’t want to admit it earlier.”

“Oh. Well you should be more careful. Let me show you how a pro does it.” Davis pulls out another silver pouch, carefully unwraps the straw, and while giving the bottom a light squeeze, he gingerly pokes the pointy straw end through the film.

“Oh cool. Hey Thomas, can I-

Davis is already half way out the door, as Jimmy sulks in dismay, and this reporter is left to awkwardly grab a ham sandwich and leave the facility.