A Letter from a Concerned Fan: Cam Newton and Press Conferences

You may remember the first fan take I received a couple years back. Well, I have once again received correspondence from an anonymous concerned fan. The "letter" in question came in the form of crumpled up cocktail napkins, one half hot take, one half profanity. Seriously, how does this person know where I live? But someone must be the voice of the voiceless, so here we go.

Dear Brian Beaversales,

I have noticed your website and others making reference to Cam Newton's post Super Bowl antics. And I have to say, it's a travesty that people are defending him. How can you expect a guy to be your franchise quarterback when he can't even handle one of the staples of todays' sports; the press conference?

The NFL press conference gives everyone a true look at who a player is. The NFL media asks the hard hitting questions when a player is in their most vulnerable position. It's like a psychiatrist talking to a patient! Players can trust the writers to give a positive spin to things when they are honest, right? But then you have guys like Cam Newton, who walk out of a press conference because he lost a football game. For shame Cam Newton. Players and coaches alike have shown us their absolute passion for the sport during these events, and the ones who can keep their composure deliver the most honest answers. Things like "we played well and they played better", "it's a team sport", "we didn't play well". Answers with such substance, and we were devoid of this privilege by Mr. Newton. A guy with such blatant disregard for his fans should not be starting for this team. He should take a page from Jordan Spieth, and cool it off. Do your press conference, then go play some golf to chill. You know who else plays golf to chill? DEREK ANDERSON.

If Cam takes shortcuts with press conferences, he clearly must be doing the same on the field. Go ahead and try to tell me with a straight face that Cam threw 10 touchdowns to TED FREAKING GINN without some kind of help. Cam is clearly playing on rookie difficulty, just like in Madden. You can run the same darn play every snap and score a touchdown. Cam just made it seem like it wasn't so easy, I have that on good authority and you should trust my source because this is the internet. Something was up all year, nobody goes 15-1 in real life. And what a coincidence that Cam is such an avid Madden player.

You wanna know why Peyton Manning beat the Carolina Panthers in the Super Bowl? Because Manning is playing on All-Madden difficulty. How else would he throw 17 picks to 9 touchdowns? He set the touchdown record TWICE in his career. But Manning is such a stand up guy that he'll make it HARDER to win than it needs to be. He doesn't have to play on such a high difficulty, he can play on All-Pro. That's why when the two met in a neutral playing field, Cam wasn't ready for All-Madden difficulty, without whatever smoke and mirror stuff he was doing to be MVP. The secret is probably embedded in his weird captions.

Until Cam can prove that he wasn't playing on rookie in 2016, and he can do press conferences like Jordan Spieth and take the infallible advice of Mark Schlereth, who SINGLE HANDEDLY paved the way for Doug Williams, I can't buy that he's a franchise quarterback. Derek Anderson did press conferences, he showed us the emotion that we loved and NEVER made fun of him for. Derek Anderson posts coherent and entertaining social media content. And he plays golf like a consummate professional. So do the right thing Panthers fans. I know you want Derek Anderson starting as much as I do. Or at least handling the press, like the champion he is.

Don't pick the guy who plays on rookie, pick the guy who struggles through life on All-Pro, like the rest of us.

Rally the troops Byron Beltersnap. #BringBackTheD