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What can't Cam Newton do?

Editor's note: none of this is real. It is all very, very stupid.

Gustavo Caballero/Getty Images

Cam Newton is set to star in a TV series adapted from very obscure Bob Seger fanfiction. I know what you're thinking. Cam Newton doesn't look anything like the sweet, soulful Bob Seger. Well that's not a problem, says the original fanfic author and show creator, Mike Shula:

"We thought about that, but here's the thing. The Seg is transcendent. He can't be bridled by things like race and physical appearances. He's free flowing, he's rushing waters, he's an ever transforming cloud as you're on your back in the grass next to your beautiful thing with sweet, honey colored hair just dreamin' about makin' night moves."

When asked for comment, Cam Newton opened up on his new role:

"I really do want to be an icon and entertainer.

[Peter King scrambles to get his notepad.]

It's important to me to branch out, and this role is perfect for it. Mr. Seger's music is all about unbridled passion. It makes me feel like a steed, galloping along an untouched beach. I can't wait to try and bring that to life."

For the time, it's unclear just how close the TV series will be to the original fanfiction, but this is the general premise of the e-books, from Shula:

"Bob Seger is a down and out musician playing roadside bars, riding his big two wheeler across the country solvin' crimes with his keen detective work and having relations with babes. They only company he keeps long term is his Red Tail Hawk, named Bobby, Jr. Then one day, he just rolls clean out of sight."

Ron Rivera praised his star QB branching out, citing that new experiences can better build leadership traits. However, this move has brought out one anonymous scout:

"That disingenuous smile will be perfect for the silver screen."

Experts are expecting the show to be predictable and come out flat, but we might see a few gadget screen plays to shake things up.