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Which little piggy is our designated driver?

TMG takes a look at all the slips and trips that led to the state of our current roster, just in case you missed any of the exciting Panthers news from these last many months.

Rob Carr

I want to start this post with an apology. I am not entirely sure this belongs in the #CatBox. Once you strip away the inane and the insane that is part and parcel to my writing, I am afraid that you will find several valid points that feed on our deepest and most public fears regarding the current state of the Carolina Panthers. For this, you have my sympathies.

This week has sucked for the Carolina Panthers. There are no other words for it. An avalanche of news and developments have buried us in a tide of dry, stringy barbecue with nary a scent of mustard or vinegar to help us swallow it down. Join me as we dig through the bull and the crap from the start of the off season til today that has threatened to derail our 2014 season before we even catch sight of the slaughterhouse.

Our first little piggy went to market at the start of this offseason, and then he came back to not only torch us last Sunday but to also rake us over the coals on Wednesday. I don't blame or hate Smitty for it, it is him being him. I'd have him back in a second if we could and will enjoy every last thing he does in this league that doesn't involve violence. Still, it is negative press and it never feels good to have our organization shown in that light.

Our next little piggy went all the way home a little prematurely. My hat is off to Jordan Gross for a heck of a career, but he left us in a bad spot that we weren't able to get out of. Again, the only shade I would throw on Jordan is that coming from the umbrella in his drinks these days. Man did us proud for a long time, if he wants to hang it up he can hang it up. It still hurts to see his freakishly skinny ass roaming the side lines and the building when the most we see of our offensive line these days is their picture on a milk carton.

I wish I could say that was the end of our offseason woes, but we all know about the little piggy who went to court. Our little coach piggy keeps saying that we will be fine, we will be fine, but the team has come out without even a little curly to their tails these past two weeks. To say the least, there has been no boink in their oink. Our effort has been more reminiscent of the worst Shepherd's Cow Pie than it has of bacon and I know that Old MacRivera did not intend to see this kind of thing in his fields, let alone on his table. Yet here we are.

Our defensive stars from yesteryear, Star Lotulelei, Luke Kuechly, and Charles Johnson, have all but disappeared. In successive weeks when they should have been shitting up a storm in their sty, these little piggies have just been soiling all of our beds. We know they are better and so do they. It remains to be seen if they can drink enough coffee and take enough aspirin to feel comfortable getting behind any wheel before we face the Bears.

At least our workhorse piggies have an excuse for disappearing on the season. A slew of injuries led to our once proud and strong running back corps being thrown from the frying pan and into the fire of salary cap and bare cupboard hell.

Of course, we can't have this talk without mentioning the little piggy that went to the operating room. With his ankles, now admittedly, still on the mend, Cam Newton had a nightmare of a preseason which saw his ribs getting injured. Anybody who knows anything knows a pig isn't worth half as much without the rib cut and we have seen that time and again this season with that injury keeping Cam in the frigid and cramped meat locker that our offensive line tries so very hard to make for him every play (bless their hearts).

This leaves us in a bit of a pickle, and I am not even talking about the kind presented by ex-Panthers QB and forever jarred vinegar snack Jimmy Clausen coming back to town. I mean that we have no one to stick their nose in the dirt and lead us to victory with their play on the field. It has been a heck of a party so far, but we are at risk of waking up in the bushes tomorrow morning instead of on our bathroom floors where we belong. Right now, there seem to be very few people poised to drive us home. With Cam, Thomas Davis, and CJ starting to get back from injuries, we have to hope we see this change soon. Otherwise, this little piggy is going to need more than just a DD.