Dear members of CSR 5,
What a successful week of fantasy football that was. With plenty of under and over achieving players that prove how stupid yahoos projection system is. A team projected minimal points can win games and a a team projected a ton of points can win.
First off I would like to give a shutout to DiscoBalls for being the lucky bastard of the week. You won this prize with two different examples of being a lucky bastard. The first way was simply by having Peyton Fucking Manning. 7 passing touchdowns and over 60 points. Thats pure luck I hate to break it you but that bitch is not putting up numbers like that again. The 2nd way was beating your opponent by just over 1 point. I feel bad for Lana Lana...LANA. Which brings me to the recaps.
Disco Balls: 153.68 vs Lana...Lana...LANA: 152.6- I think it is time for us to give Lana...Lana...LANA a moment of silence for his depressing lose to the DiscoBalls. His team fought hard but not hard enough. Lana..Lana...LANA would have beaten every other team this week. In the end a loss is a loss so therefore DiscoBalls has cock-slapped Lana...Lana...LANA. Lana...Lana...LANA can just hope he will put up similar stats next week.
Panthers for life: 72.58 vs THE BLASTERS: 109.48- Well congratulations Panthers for life you added fuel to the fire of THE BLASTERS. Panthers for life truly had one of the worst weeks I have ever seen. Only ahead of one person which also occurred this week but Ill get to that later. One more thing: How does a team have 3 players that played at or under 0 points. That takes skill Panthers for life. THE BLASTERS ended blasting Panthers for life away scoring a surprising 30.9 more points then his competition. All I can say is THE BLASTERS wont have the same luck against my team.
Gettlemania:77.48 vs Catch A Falling Star: 77.08- This game was fucking weak. This games combined total was the lowest in the league. How do both teams score so fucking low? All these underachieving players must really be an issue for you guys. You guys got some work to do on your teams I guess. Gettlemanias running backs scored a combined total of 9.7 points. Most starting running backs alone score more points then that total. As for Catch A Falling Star two players killed your team. The Dez Bryant injury caused you to lose. As well as the restricted carries Bradshaw got. I expect both of your fucking teams to step the fuck up in the future.
FightingLebowskis: 151.02 vs A Real Panthers Fan: 92.46- Holy Shit! Fighting Lebowskis truly whooped A Real Panther Fans ass. At the beginning of the season arealpanthersfan talked about winning the league. That will never happen if you get fucked like that again. I am giving you credit Fighting Lebowskis your team looks good but it was only one week I don't think you can put up stats like that again. Granted he did get lucky having AJ Green put up 34.2 points. A Real Panthers Fan What the hell happened? I thought you knew your football. You better get your dick out of your ass if you want to compete in this league.
No Punt Intended: 131.52 vs Billy League5 Champ: 115.52- Had Calvin Johnson and Graham Gano not underachieved this would have been a different game. But guess what everything happens for a reason and therefore I won for a reason. Honestly going to be on Sunday night I was worried that I might lose but then on Monday LeSean McCoy out a great performance that ended up leading to the end of our game. I cant right our recap without being bias. Oh Billy your team still sucks dick.
Feel The Bernz: 64 vs Mighty Melonhead 126.22- Bernz what in the actual fuck? You talked the talk but couldnt walk the walk. You werent even close to walking the walk either. It was closer to crawling with no arms. Im not going to lie you got straight up titty fucked. This was the worst fantasy performance I have ever seen. I as commissioner do not approve of such horrendous performances in my league. You better step the fuck up Bernz. As for the Mighty Melonheads your team had a pretty solid week. The Mighty Melonheads were above average in their point scoring. They ranked 5th in the league this week in scoring.
Good week everyone except for Bernz and Panthers for life.
Sorry for all of my grammatical errors. I didnt have a lot of time so I wrote it as fast as I could. So I'm sure there are plenty.
Also I need someone else to write the recap next week. Its not hard all you have to do is name the lucky bastard of the week and give a summary of each game. All help would be much appreciated.
REMINDER: DO YOUR LEAGUE PICK EM
Let the smack talk begin.