Is it 2009 again? Because John Fox FUCKED my team! Between Eric "Upper" Decker and Monte Ball "Gag", I was dead in the water before Friday morning. I cannot believe after all these years that fat piece of shit still gives a damn what I think about him. But I guess like He-Man, "I have the power!"
ANYWAY... on to the recaps.
Keuchly is Beastly Andrew Lucked his way into his first win of the season beating Release the Kraken 112.92 to 91.12 I guess being the winner of the draft really doesn't mean shit.
Gross Miscalculation failed to live up to his name by dropping the beating of the week against Goodell Can't lose 135.38 to 79.50.
Thor's Hammer Captain Hammerslapped Joe Buck yourself squeaking by with a 108.66 to 101.22 victory.
Monster Energy showed what a corporate sponsor can do by shitting in the litter box of Queen City Katz 137.08 to 109.76
And the Big winner was Oldy's Wile E's Coyotes who had Adrian Peterson (who he bitched about having to draft) provide a dominating performance against Sippin' Ginn N Juice 150.52 to 140.68
And now for a word from our loud mouthed Champion
I have been inspired. No really, true inspiration. Forget ‘squeak of the week'.... That's last years old news. It's a new season, with more mockery, piss taking and general insultation than ever. Why not continue in that vein? Where was I?
Oh yes! Inspiration... ‘Twas in fact our brave leader who inspired me- Oi2dwrld or whatever. His score was so pathetically bad that I decided my segments would in fact focus on the unfortunate soul who scores the least points each week, to bring to light their pathetic efforts for us all to mock. Without further ado this week's PATHETIC EFFORT:-
the Crazy 88's - 70.18!!! bhahahaha
Perhaps that should be Lazy 88's? Why was this score so bad?? Well it all starts and ends with the wide receivers Dez Bryant, Roddy White and Eric Decker who combined for a grand total of.... Wait for it.... 07.30 points! Dear me... even D'Angelo Williams managed to get more than that on his own! It's almost cruel to laugh at... almost. There were no fewer than 15 FA wide receivers who scored more points individually than these three managed together.... Get shopping Oi! HA!
Thanks for the advice, Cock Master.
And don't worry Kids, yes I got beaten this week, but I swear to you that I will ride this Retarded Sex Donkey of a team into the championships. Or at the very least will kneecap half of Limey's team so we don't have to put up with more of his shit next year.
Now go tear each other apart.