Well, another week is in the books, my darling degenerates. We had close games, blowouts, and a damn near euthanization this week. Regimes are beginning to crumble and teams we long feared were dead are rising from the ashes like a phoenix with malaria. So, on to the recaps.
Joe Buck Yourself solidly defeats Release The Kraken 106.18 - 66.98
I'm impressed with the effort this week, KissMyConverse. I really thought your team was dead in the water early on, but you've managed to fight your way into a respectable position. This wasn't so much a beating as it was a metaphor for Greg Hardy's season. More Greg-like, less Kraken-like.
Thor's Hammer squeaks by Monster Energy 109.36 - 102.52
What can I say, I'm a sucker for a close game. I really needed Thor's Hammer to come up short here and it looked like this team was going to fall short until Andre Johnson found a quarterback that wasn't suffering from early onset alzheimer's to go with his early balding. ALAC, I think you owe Andre some sort of wine and fellatio combination, or at least a hearty laugh on a day he's feeling down.
Queen City Katz takes down Goodell Can't Lose 114.58 - 78.76
Despite the error in judgement by spelling of Katz with a K and Z, Queen City Katz has managed to field a team that can at least compete, proving irony is alive and well as Goodell Can't Lose does anything but win.
We Are The Failcans Road Runner'ed Wile E.'s Coyotes 120.74 - 106.48
Wile E.'s Coyotes may be 5-4, but the team name is a solid 0-9. It looks like Acme has delivered a triple-dose of backfire to OldhamA, as he's on a 3 game skid. If confidence is any measure of success, he's sure to bounce back in the coming weeks. Overall outlook is cloudy, with a chance of OldyTears. Dipen, meanwhile, is cruising his way to a "better luck next year" title.
Sippin' Ginn N Juice embarrassed Jim Skipper 109.06 - 80.98
Jesus Christ, Limey. You just lost to the last-placed team. Let that sink in for a moment. It's as if your entire team finally realized who was managing them and went on an end-zone hunger strike. You've finally lost the locker room after this one. I want you to know, you can change your team name to "Schiano Men" and no one will judge you for it. It was, however, nice of you to give Sippin' a little drank of success this week.
Gross Miscalculations nearly doubles the point total of Oh My God I'm Gonna Cam 172.54 - 89.34
And now, on to the biggest beatdown of the week. Get out your rape kits folks, because Oi was hurting somethin' fierce on Monday morning. I don't know if it's a testament to the absolute dominance of BBA's fine fantasy juggernaut or to the ineptness of the "team" our fearless leader has fielded, but this one wasn't even close. At this point, Oi should really just lean on the fact that he seems like a nice enough guy and has a pretty cool wife (allegedly). For yet another week, though, Oh My God I'm Gonna Cam has shot blanks.