That was a disappointing, mutherfucking, week. So the Panthers won? Big Fucking Whoop!
Yeah I said it. Fuck you. You got something to say? Say it to my face!
OMGI'm Gonna Cam fell apart like Sione Fua's career against Thor's Hammer 76.76 to 68.82 This is all the more depressing because ALAC sucks BALLS!
Eat my wrinkled ass you pile of herp puss.
We are the Failcons gave a reverse Matt Ryan to Joe Buck Yourself 124.62 to 78.80
This reminds me of the time my friend was in my bathroom drunk, simultaneously shitting and puking while talking to his dad on the phone. He left the door open. It was special.
Jim Skipper made Goodell Can't Lose his personal Willie Aames. 116.98 to 48.06
I am glad that 80's work out shorts never came back in to style for straight guys.
Queen City Katz made squigglevision out of Release The Kraken 76.58 to 71.30
I'm also glad they DID come back in to style for women.
Gross Miscalculation dropped the ACME Hammer on Wile E's Coyotes 106.80 to 84.52
I hoped they would both lose. Those two never fail to let me down.
Monster Energy actually did murder the family of Sippin' Ginn N Juice 87.96 to 60.00
Since he didn't leave any racist voicemails, I have no choice but to keep him in the league. My hands are tied tighter than Dipen's butthole when Limy visits.
Speaking of Limey:
Since I'm such a fucktard and somehow mixed Gross Miscalculation into Division 2 and then labelled them all Division three, you'll have to bear with my cockup and deal with it. So now we'll be doing Division 4 with most of Division three plus one Division 2.... Confused? Good, I hope it makes your head spin and projectile vomit over your loved ones.
Division 3 (+1)
Monster Energy: Dallas Cowboys
They are a team that's in the hunt, that much is for certain.... But how good are they really? I'm not sold on this team's ability to make the playoffs for any other reason than a week Division. Sure they have good quarterback play and some talented pieces but would you put money on this team getting to the final and winning it all??? Not so much.
Joe Buck Yourself (??? Really why has nobody pulled this guy up on such a shit name yet?): Chicago Bears
A solid QB at times spectacular (in fantasy circles) with good WRs and a very solid run game make the bears the choice for me here. Ok fine, so Brady is an excellent QB but what do you want me to do- the comparison fits close enough. I also don't fancy JBY to make the playoffs which I feel will be the fate of the bears. Some really difficult games coming and JBY must win at least two to have a chance at the post season.
Goodell Can't Lose: Tampa Bay Buccaneers
This one's easy. A team with a harsh disciplinarian who won't bend and change? Who doesn't play to his teams strengths and is generally considered an arsehole by everybody? Look ok it's getting harder to do this and there aren't many teams who have sucked as much as Good Can't lose so I'm rolling with the Bucs here for that reason alone. An absolute slaughtering at the hands of me was hilarious! It doesn't get an easier as GCL has to face league leaders and playoff bound Thor's hammer next week.
Thor's Hammer: Kansas City Chiefs
Why? I'll tell you why... because even ALAC doesn't think his team is as good as his record suggests. Built behind a solid if not spectacular QB in Matt Ryan this team has gotten by in fairly average talent and despite being sole leader and already qualified for the playoffs 4 teams have scored more points. No team has had fewer points put up against them reflecting an easy schedule for ALAC- a common criticism of the Chiefs.
Wile E's Coyotes: San Francisco 49ers
I was looking at New England here or maybe the Lions but I'm gonna roll with the 9ers. Why? I'm not convinced that this QB can has the stones to get his team to the playoffs this time round. Then there's the presence of an awesome running back and a relatively bare cupboard at WR- Note D. Thomas has been exceptional but otherwise very little to get excited about here. They've lost to some big teams too, and have a very dangerous team with a divisional lead to compete with. If they are to make the playoff's it will be through the wildcard.
Sippin' on Ginn and Juice: Jaxonville Jaguars
We all knew this was coming. The worst team in the league finally has a win (DAMN DAMN FUCK OFF DAMN).... But it doesn't change the fact that they are the worst team in the league. Despite having the third pick and picking two stellar players in rounds one and two this team has had nothing all year. Start researching for next year Stroking the Kitty because this year's effort was god awful!!
Right that it for me. I'm sure you'll all agree with my assessments of your teams performances, if not I honestly COULDN'T care less.
Who loves ya baby?
It was never love.