FanPost

TMG Gets Drunk, Plays Madden, and Correctly Predicts Week 2

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Last week’s loss was deflating; watching the game there was a tangible sense of all of the hot air in our balloon rushing out. This week is going to tell the difference between whether it was the air rushing out of one balloon in a bunch being held by a child having an otherwise morphenomenal day at the Power Rangers Theme Park or if it was the start of a Hindenbergesque inferno.

The Game:

Saints at Panthers with a still un-updated Madden (Here’s looking at you EA. . .)

All – Pro Difficulty

12:00 Minute Quarters

The Rules:

This is gladiator combat. I don’t want to end this game with Maximus Decimus Meridius shouting at our stadium, asking if we are not entertained. This game must be a long, drawn out, low scoring, bloody affair. That’s what the odds are telling me are going to happen Sunday. Coupling that with the lessons from last week takes us to this weeks rules:

Rule 1: Excite the fan base. This is the only rule, as it is the only thing that matters. After last week’s game, the Panther’s faithful have every reason to be demoralized. This week’s goal is to cure that.

a) We are going to run the ball, and run it hard. Straight out of the I on both second and first down. The goal is to have at least two 100 yard rushers.

b) Armanti Edwards is going to be the featured receiver. Rah Rah, Carolina, amirite?

Rule 2: So Rule 1 isn’t the only rule. It is my only rule, but the Rules and Regulations required the addition of one extra rule. #89 must catch at least three touchdown passes to rub the Saints’ faces in his dominance.

This season has not been shot down yet, and if we can actually start following my sage predictions then I believe we will be in pretty good shape. In fact, with these rules, I’m calling a 27 – 13 victory over our most hated foes. All I’m asking for is a little blind faith, Panther fans, though I wouldn’t run to Vegas with these predictions. However, if you do, and you do some crazy how manage to win, please contact me with the pre-agreed upon 90% prediction fee. Thanks in advance, and for the rest of you, please join me in the results of this week after the jump. . .

Oops.

Do you guys remember high school? When you’d walk up to the hot girl in the cafeteria to ask her to prom, and it wasn’t until it was too late to save your social integrity that you remembered that she wasn’t actually that hot and her reason for being in the cafeteria was that she was the lunch lady? You had that whole date planned out: which restaurant you were going to have your Mom drive you to for dinner; the bowling alley you were going to take her to as a surprise afterwards. It could have been so great, but it all got tossed out of the window like so many plates of mystery meat. Do you remember how after school that day she walked up to you, took your hand and guided you to places you never expected to go, and never will again?

Me neither. . . but we all will after this game.

I’m not even going to bother with most of the stats in the analysis of this nail-biter of a 31 – 29 victory. Strategery ended up not being important. My rules? Irrelevant. Smitty had maybe 2 catches. I don’t even want to know. You could have ended up buying greens instead of French fries in that lunch line. As long as there was something to choke on, it didn’t matter. You could call that a win.

I scored one offensive touchdown; James Anderson finished with 10 tackles, 3 for loss, 1 sack, 1 FR for 29 yards and a TD (GO HOKIES); Chris Gamble had 2 tackles, 2 passes defensed, and an INT for 43 yards and a TD. Similarly, Joe Adams had 2 PRs for 88 yards, with a long of 75 for a TD.

If that doesn’t give you an idea for what this game is going to be then try thinking about your lunch tray. Sometimes they were wet, but just in spots. It wasn’t lazy drying technique and they weren’t fresh from the dish washer. Those trays bore the tears of the dozens of students who came before. Somehow they got out, leaving a trace, a warning. I advise everyone to sit down with a case of whatever they hold most dear and hope to get out with our coronary arteries and post season hopes intact. I get the feeling it is going to be a hell of a weird game.

But it's all good, because if I'm right, we START THE SEASON 2-0

How great is that?

Selected Stats in support of my awesome rules:

Cam Newton: 14/28 290 1 TD 1 INT

Jonathan Stewart: 13 63

DeAngelo Williams: 10 29

Mike Tolbert: 2 4

Drew Brees: 26/41 351 3 TD 1 INT

Thomas Morstead 0/1 pass attempts 0

I also settled a long raging debate here on CSR: With 4 drops on 6 targets Armanti 'Hand Amputee' Edwards needs to pack his bags. You are welcome, America.

The content of these posts are those of the user/fan making the post only

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