I love a good conspiracy theory. Whether it's hearing from Jesse Ventura about how the moon landing was fake, or cherishing the photo of Nicholas Cage from National Treasure on my nightstand, there's something both simultaneously amazing and dumb at the lengths people will go to in order to read into things. Life must have been hard for conspiracy theorists 30 years ago, after all the only way you could spread your message was to stand on a street corner with a sandwich board- these days it would be impossible to compete with the 'Cash for Gold' crowd. Thankfully the internet arrived and allowed people to share their interest in meat-hat culture, or their fervent belief that the world is run by reptilian shape-shifters.
In my happy bubble of sports fan-dom I thought I could avoid bizarre conspiracy theories, and tales of world domination. I like my sports scandals light hearted and fun, like Michael Vick giving women herpes, or Lawrence Taylor getting charged with statutory rape... oh... wait.
In any event, while I was happily perusing the interwebz and joyfully watching some Cam Newton highlight videos I was shocked to find the truth... that Cam Newton is part of the Illuminati and likely corrupting all of us, every Sunday.
More after the jump
"If you freeze the frame at 17 minutes, 36 seconds you can clearly see Jeff Davidson's head peering over the grassy knoll."
I know it's shocking to find out your favorite player, and our franchise QB is really part of the New World Order, but personally I'm relieved. We lost several readers when the Panthers drafted Cam Newton, people who claimed they would no longer follow the team if they selected him. Previously I assumed these fans were just rampant racists, but it's relieving to know they're really just afraid of the NWO.
The source of this shocking truth comes from Cam's TD celebration- where you can clearly see before honoring a cultural hero (or Super-man if you will) he clearly shows the world his allegiance.
There it is... 8 seconds in. What's Cam's first thought as he scores? No, it's not that he helped his team, or that he gave them the lead, it's to honor those who control the world, made him the #1 pick, gave him $180,000, but wouldn't buy him a new laptop. At first I tried to rationalize it, "This has to be a mistake" I said, "There's no way he would do that", I exclaimed.
Oh no... not again!
Then I started to dig into this more, bear with me.
Cam has three letters
NWO has three letters
Cam's main sponsor is GMC... look three letters again!
GMC makes a car named 'Jimmy'
Jimmy Clausen wont give up the #2 to Cam (obviously because he's a freedom fighter)
There are two letters in Derek Anderson's initials (DA)
Derek Anderon wears, you guessed it, #3.
I'm not asking you to stop watching the Panthers, I'm just asking that you keep an eye on yourself, and your children. If you see them starting to flash Illuminati symbols to be 'Like Cam' I suggest cutting their hands off to prevent such behavior in the future.
If you have found more evidence of Cam Newton's attempted corruption of our youth please point them out in the comments.