This afternoon regional department store Belk announced they are teaming with Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton to launch a clothing collection, MADE Cam Newton. The exclusive line of clothing apparel will release in Spring of 2013, and with plans for the Fall 2013 season also.

It's clear what's happened. We're no longer living in the world, but rather a bizarre side-dimension where we've all been transported into a Woody Allen movie-- one where the fans are maudlin, and the star quarterback is offering:

"fashion-forward, versatile, professional apparel options for men, and in fall 2013, will also include accessories and shoes."

This from the official press release.

Could the timing be any worse? Right now fans are more prepared to storm BoA with pitchforks than head to Belk to reform their image, but hey at least we can guess about a few of the items.

MADE Silk Dress Tie

$59.99 MSRP

For the man who has everything. Finish of your look right with a hand-crafted, spun silk dress tie that lets everyone know you're an icon and an entertainer.Tucked neatly into a sweater, it's the perfect accent to finish off your 'Sad at the post-game presser' chic.

Designer Sunglasses by MADE

$99.99 MSRP

Whether it's a night in the club, or an afternoon on the field, our designer glasses ensure you're vision is right where it should be-- tunneled. Made out of aircraft-grade aluminum, the polarized lenses on these glasses ensure you see Steve Smith, and only Steve Smith all day long.

MADE 'Read-Option' Loafers

$129.99 MSRP

If you're a gentleman that can never decide which pair of shoes to wear, why decide? Guest designer Rob Chudzinski pairs with Cam Newton to create a pair of shoes like no other. A smooth heel enables to awkwardly shuffle into a hand-offs like Fred Astaire, while the spiked toe means you'll have all the accuracy of a 12-gauge filled with rock salt. They're the shoes for every man who wants to do it all, and none of it particularly well.

MADE presents: Moroccan hand-crafted weeping towel

$35.99 MSRP

Tough day at the office? Bad afternoon got you down? Pick up one of our weeping towels, and you'll be transported to the bazaars of Marrakesh! Made of absorbent linen, it's the perfect final touch to add to any ensemble that involves sitting pensively.