Everette Brown attempts to write a letter to Marty Hurney, apparently

Matt Sullivan

Who writes a letter these days? It's harder than you think

Letters... they're tough to write, aren't they? In our microwave, MP3, eBook world, who has time to sit down with a pen and paper, get your thoughts down, and send them off to another by human conveyance to find another person willing to spend the time to read it?

I don't wholly blame Everette Brown, former Panthers DE for not knowing how to write a letter. However, when you spend the time to take to your tumblr with something you call 'A letter to Marty Hurney' one would expect you at least attempted to write something interesting to the person you're sending it to. That's not just good letter writing, it's proper manners. Nobody should write a letter that says "hey, remember that one time you ruined my life?", and yet Everette perfectly laughingly veiled his snark trying to thank Hurney for making him a 'better person'.

You can read the whole letter here, but rather than touching on it verbatim we're looking at a few key areas he went wrong, as typified by Jane Austen's 'Pride and Prejudice', specifically Mr. Darcy's letter to Elizabeth:

Darcy

Be not alarmed, madam, on receiving this letter, by the apprehension of its containing any repetition of those sentiments or renewal of those offers which were last night so disgusting to you.

Unconventional, but it works. A good first sentence to ensure the reader doesn't tear it up immediately. This talks about an interaction between two parties, about a mutual interest.

Brown

Thank you Marty for drafting me in 2009, it was a day that changed my life in ways that I didn't realize. I came to the Panthers' organization with several goals to accomplish but also to bring my personality along as well.

Also unconventional, but other than the words "thank you Marty", is this something Hurney really wants to read? Capture your audience Everette!

Darcy

Two offenses of a very different nature, and by no means of equal magnitude, you last night laid to my charge. The first-mentioned was, that, regardless of the sentiments of either, I had detached Mr. Bingley from your sister,- and the other, that I had, in defiance of various claims, in defiance of honor and humanity, ruined the immediate prosperity and blasted the prospects of Mr. Wickham.- Willfully and wantonly to have thrown off the companion of my youth, the acknowledged favorite of my father, a young man who had scarcely any other dependence than on our patronage, and who had been brought up to expect its exertion, would be a depravity, to which the separation of two young persons, whose affection could be the growth of only a few weeks, could bear no comparison.

Jeez Darcy, ever heard of a run-on sentence! Okay fine, you lived a few hundred years ago-- so we can forgive style. This is a solid 'A' for content though. You put everything on the table, want to explain your side, and continue to talk about things that interest both parties.

Now, let's check in and see how Everette is doing:

Brown

During my time with the organization I believed that I had developed completely as a person and as a player but then I was cut before the 2011 season. As a result of being released, instead of giving up and allowing all of the negative media to affect me as a player, I became a better person and player than I could have ever imagined.

Seriously? You're writing to Hurney here, a man who just got fired. All you're doing is talking about yourself. Also, 'a better player' than you could have imagined? A letter isn't the time for lies, save them for the job interview!

How one closes a letter is of vital importance. It's your last chance to make an impression, and leave the reader walking away with something to think about. Let's see how they did.

Darcy

You may possibly wonder why all this was not told you last night; but I was not then master enough of myself to know what could or ought to be revealed. For the truth of everything here related, I can appeal more particularly to the testimony of Colonel Fitzwilliam, who, from our near relationship and constant intimacy, and, still more, as one of the executors of my father's will, has been unavoidably acquainted with every particular of these transactions. If your abhorrence of me should make my assertions valueless, you cannot be prevented by the same cause from confiding in my cousin; and that there may be the possibility of consulting him, I shall endeavor to find some opportunity of putting this letter in your hands in the course of the morning. I will only add, God bless you.

FITZWILLIAM DARCY

Now THAT'S how you close a letter! Pages of insightful information, spilling your guts onto the page, then let them know you care. Darcy, I can forgive the run-ons this one last time, because you Sir are a poet.

Everette Brown? Not so much.

Brown

I had success as a reserve player despite the fact that I never had the opportunity to start and produce more as a starter. I never understood the reason behind being released but that is the nature of the game. What I do know is that being cut only fed my hunger to be the best and to leave my legacy. I will continue to fight for my dream and for my reputation simply because I don't believe in being a statistic! To those that believe that one player can change the culture of an entire team you have forgotten the fundamental principles of a team sport...there's no "I" in "TEAM!"

Thanks to the true fans for their continued support!

Everette Brown

Dear Marty Hurney,

Me me me me me. Me my me I me. I my me my me. Me my my I my.

- Me

Final grades

Fitzwilliam Darcy: A - (tighten up those sentences)

Everette Brown: D (stick to Instagram)


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