DeAngelo Williams was the target of scorn Sunday evening on Twitter following the Carolina Panthers' loss to the Seattle Seahawks. Fantasy football owners were upset at the RB's lack of production, and decided to handle it the mature, adult-like way-- berate him on Twitter and call him a 'loser' (among other choice words). I sat down with 'Todd' to talk about why he thought berating D-Will was appropriate.
Meeting at a Waffle House off I-40, Todd would not tell me his full name, nor would he allow me to refer to him as 'Todd'. I was instead instructed to use his online handle 'xXxFantasy_BLUNTZ420xXx,' which I'm led to believe is also his X-Box Live gamertag (should you want to play with him). You have no idea how awkward it is to say 'xXxFantasy_BLUNTZ420xXx' every time you want to get someone's attention -- I struggled for most of the afternoon whether I should say 'underscore,' or simply leave a pause.
Cat Scratch Reader: Why did you think calling DeAngelo Williams names was appropriate?
xXxFantasy_BLUNTZ420xXx: Because I have love for him. I drafted him, I was his fantasy owner, so I have the right to tell him that he sucked.
CSR: Do you have the right though? I mean isn't he just a guy trying to do a job. What does your playing a game have to do with his value?
FB420: Let me answer your question with a question: You lose money at the track-- Do you punch the horse?
FB420: That's the difference between you and me Mr. Website. I punch that horse, I punch him right in his horse mouth. I play for keeps!
CSR: You have a Twitter account. After looking at it for a second it appears that roughly 90% of your tweets are screaming at athletes, and the other 10% are complaining about products or services to their respective brands. Why do you have so much anger?
FB420: It's pretty simple man. I've seen a lot of crazy (redacted) in my days, and I was suckered in too, man. I had huge hopes, thought my life was coming together. Do you know 'loco' means 'crazy' in Spanish? Did you know that? I didn't until I looked it up. There was NOTHING crazy about that 'locos taco' POS. It was just, like, a taco, but a Dorito taco. That's not crazy.
CSR: Are you trying to say that you yelled at DeAngelo Williams because you were upset with Taco Bell's 'Doritos Locos taco'?
FB420: Partly, partly. There was a lot more, way deeper stuff than that.
CSR: Such as?
FB420: It was, like, a combination of a bunch of really bad stuff this year. My local 7-11 ran out of Call of Duty gamefuel Mountain Dew, the taco let me down, then I found out congress took the caffeine out of Four Loko because they're a bunch of communists. It's just been a real rough year. I said to myself:
"xXxFantasy_BLUNTZ420xXx, if you can just win your fantasy league. If you can just show Stevie, Trombo, and little Nick that you have the skills then all this stuff will work out."
So I perfected my strategy. It was pretty simple: Start a running back who already splits carries, in an offense that hardly uses RBs, against one of the best run defenses in the NFL-- success.
CSR: What do you say to DeAngelo Williams when he says that by starting him you "can't play or apparently fantasy coach"?
FB420: That hurts. Why does he have to say something like that? Some people think they have the right to say whatever they want on twitter, and that's messed up. Doesn't he know that words hurt sometimes.
FB420: Screw it. I'm out of here. If you see your friend DeAngelo tell him I'm dropping him for a real running back-- I'm riding Armond Smith to the playoffs baby!
Shortly after this interview 'Todd' was struck by a freight train. He was trying to place rocks on the tracks and turn them into diamonds; something he read on the internet. In lieu of flowers his family are asking that you send complaints to the following companies: Taco Bell, Arby's, AT&T, cheapbrides.com, Electronic Arts, Casual Male, Rooms-to-Go, and the US Postal Service.