The Quest for the Holy Lombardi Grail - Chapter 2

King Richard-son contemplates the football v. business conundrum

Chapter I Recap: King Richard-son was fed up, and he charged Chief Advisor Lord Marty with fixing his armies. Lord Marty, after a startling visitation by the ghost of "Vince," set about assembling a fine group of true "coaches," guys with teaching skills and experience playing the game.

Link to Chapter I here.

Chapter 2 after the jump...




Chapter II (Scene 1)

Anastasia's Story Begins:


Pictured: Anastasia (all grow'd up) with Queen

Our tale begins far to the west, near the Land of Angels, in the year of our Lord MCMXCIV (that’s 1994). A young lass, wearing a black hoody, walks slowly through the thick forest. So young, having passed but 8 summers, her mind wanders, as young minds are given to do. She remembers the celebration of winter solstice, when her dear mother first presented her with a red hoody. Young Annie tried to be gracious, but simply could not bear the thought of wearing anything red, so she politely asked her mother to please return it to Lord Nordstrom and exchange it for a black one. Her mother’s reaction was surprising, as she agreed to do so with great enthusiasm.

Snapping suddenly back to reality, Annie stops and looks in all directions frantically trying to discern where the fudge she was (only she didn’t think "fudge"). Then, with uncharacteristic panic, she realized she was hopelessly lost in the dangerous forest, and the light was fading fast. A twig snaps, Annie spins about quickly, and she clearly sees an eerie pair of wide set glowing eyes peering at her from the darkness. The eyes seemed to glow with a strange green color (maybe teal?). Inexplicably, Annie realized she was no longer afraid.

"Anastasia."  ... The voice seemed to come from the same direction as the eyes.

Anastasia: "Who lurks beyond sight in yon woods? Who calls my name?"

Slowly the eyes began growing larger as the great creature approached. Still, Anastasia felt no fear; in fact, she felt bathed in a pleasant calmness and sense of protection. "In truth, dear child, I have known and watched over thee through all the days of thy life." The great cat at last emerged and stepped onto the path, it’s head cocked to the side. Black as night, and standing a full 15 hands tall (that’s 5 feet) and 30 hands (that’s 10 feet) from head to base of the tail, the Panther’s full strength could only be imagined from the combination of size, sinew, and the grace with which it moved.

Anastasia: "How beautiful thou art, my love, but where is thy master that did call unto me?"

The Panther approached Anastasia slowly, not the least threatening in its manner.

Panther: "Thou art my master, my love, and I am sworn unto thy service."

Anastasia (excitedly): "S’blood, thou doth speak? How can this be so?"

Panther: "I speak only in thy mind, as we art connected by fate itself. My words can be heard only by thee, and this will be true henceforth."

Anastasia: "This be indeed a most wonderful and magical day. Yet, I find myself hopelessly lost, and I do fear it must be causing great torment unto my dear mother."

Panther: "Climb on my back, and I shall take thee home. But, my love, I sense our journey shalt end in despair wrought of great evil."

Anastasia: "Then we must make haste. I will hold tightly unto thee, whilst thou show me what thou hast under the hood."

As the great beast leapt forward, Anastasia leaned forward, wrapping her arms around it's neck, holding on for all her might.

Anastasia: "WWWhat is thy name, great one.

Panther:  "My full name is Queen Charlotte Carolina Victoria"

Anastasia:  "That be a most impressive name, love, tho' far too long.  I shall call you Queen"

Queen:  "Perhaps that is for the best"

Chapter II (Scene 2)

Send forth the Scout Knights:

Fast forward to the near recent past ... Lord Marty assembles the new Coaching Staff, headed of course by the esteemed Lord Rivera. Also present, Sir Chudz and Sir McDermott.

Hurney_medium   Sirronrivera_medium
 Pictured above:  Lord Marty and Lord Rivera

Marty: "Verily, we must now develop that strategy by which we will best improve our forces in all areas. What be your thoughts, Lord Rivera?"

Rivera: "Along with the coaches here assembled and our subordinate coach knights, we have most thoroughly reviewed film on each of our soldiers. Indeed, many have already demonstrated greatness on the field of battle. Others be young, but have demonstrated much potential. With PROPER coaching, we are of a mind that many shalt continue to improve, to the point of becoming great warriors and bring honor to our great King. One such young squire, Master Armanti of Appalachia, shows great promise, yet there is a disturbing dearth of available film for our review. Perhaps t’was misplaced or stolen.

Marty: "And what of the Field Attack leadership? What say you about the ability of Sirs Clausen, Moore, and Pike?"

Chudz: "Thou kiddest, surely. I’ll grant that there was precious little to be said for the prior "Field Advisors," most notably the attack formations and battlefield commands. For that deficit, no soldier on the field of battle can be faulted, and know that I am honored and ready to provide the remedy in this area.

Rivera: "What Sir Chudz says be naught but the truth, and I have full faith in his abilities. I must say I do not feel similar confidence in the Attack Leaders currently in our ranks. We must find the truth of their leadership ability, but must also seek out candidates to inspire higher confidence. I’m of a mind that perhaps one with more experience should be added. What think you, Chudz, of Sir Volek?

Chudz: "Having seen him work for many a year, I am sure he could help were he to join our army, though he cannot provide the long term solution. I find myself sorely tempted to seek the future leader in the Soldier Selection Extravaganza as well!"

McDermott: "While I truly understand wherefore Chudz be tempted, we cannot afford to neglect our castle defenses. Clearly, we must augment our front line defensive positions, as well as look to shut down aerial assaults."

Marty: "Obviously, we agree that there are many directions in which to look, many questions to be answered. What say you all, shall we dispatch the Scout Knights to search the lands and return with knowledge we need."

Rivera, Chudz, McDermott (in unison): "AYE !!"Marty: "Send in the Scout Knights, forthwith."

The doors are opened, and in walk three knights of the Kingdom:


Sir Rhys Lloyd Hammerfoot, a.k.a. "the Feeb,"… from Ye Olde Country 


Sir Ulrich von Lichtenstein, a.k.a. "the Forgetful," … Traveler from the Land of Canterbury


Sir Tyler of Durden, a.k.a. "the Concussed," … From "That About Which We Must Never Talk"





Marty: "WTF… are yon knights indeed the brightest available?"
Rivera (face palming):"I asked Sir Connor to assist my wife in choosing the three sharpest knights. I fear they mistook my meaning."




   SIr Dan the Jester a.k.a. Sir Tweety


Marty (sighs): "Indeed! Alas, we’ve no time to check wonderlics. We must send forth these very pretty knights, and pray they find success."

"Sir Hammerfoot, step forward. You must search far and wide to find the most battle-ready young knight or squire for our first choice in the NFL Soldier Selection Extravaganza."
Hammerfoot: "I shall search through day and unto the wee nights of the hour to find such a soldier."

Marty: "Sir Ulrich, step forward. You must travel to every NFL kingdom and find the most value among free agent knights to fill the greatest needs of our forces."
Ulrich: "Fear not, I will not let thee down. What’s a free agent?"

Marty (now crying): "Sir Tyler, step forward. Your task may be the most difficult, yet most important of all. You must scour all the lands to find the best available Field Attack Squad Leader."
Tyler: "Most certainly, my Lord Marty. Only after disaster can we be resurrected. We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need. Alright, alright, I got it. I got it - shit I lost it."

Marty: "All of you, GTFOH!! I shalt expect solid information from each of you…you…you whatever the fudge kind of knights you be, or your worthless lives shall be forfeit.

The three Scout Knights left to begin their separate missions, leaving Marty, Chudz, and Rivera fully dumbfounded and seeking another option. After some discussion, it was agreed that they must lead a contingent to the Kingdom of Indy. For in that place the great Combine Games were underway, where the top Soldier Selection candidates were competing in various drills and interviews. A measure of hope returned as their journey began.

So ends Chapter 2.  In upcoming chapters, we shall continue the wondrous tale of Anastasia (and what the fudge she has to do with football, much less the Panthers). We'll also follow the mis-adventures of the Scout Knights, more ghostly visitations, and the continued progress of the King’s Council. And, what will happen this week when the CBA expires?  Stay tuned, the off-season is long, and the story is just beginning…

Cat Scratch Reader Theater

The Quest for the Holy Lombardi Grail

Cast and Crew


The Fabulous Cast


Rick Bates




Sir Purr

Lord Marty


Lord Rivera


Sir Chudz


Sir McDermott


Sir Rhys Lloyd Hammerfoot


Sir Ulrich von Lichtenstein

Flowing Willow

Sir Tyler of Durden

Logan (true son of Narrator)

Sir Dan the Jester


Wise Old Lord Redunderance

bigdavis (future chapters)


Revshawn (future chapters)

Sir Tater, Turner of Tricks

Tater596 (no show, so far.  Perhaps he was popped by the Sheriff)

The Crew

Sir Illustration Expert




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