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The Mighty Paws of Hercules

Yo what up? The Diamond Fang, aka Panther Molecules, aka the Mighty Paws of Hercules is officially in the building, nah mean?  Word, here once again to check these suspect ass mickey mice bitches we have seen prancing around the BOA lately posing as the Carolina Panthers.  But yo, before I jump into it this week, the god needs to make a few things clear.

 Some of yall probably read the joint I posted up here last week and your going to take that and compare it with what I'm bout to drop on yall this week and a lot of yall are probably going to think Molecules is some kind of hater.  Some of yall might think I'm some kind of Tampa fan in here tryna pull the wool over your eyes and disprespect the team yall love and shit.  I want yall to know right now, that isn't the god's intentions.  So let me put all that to rest right now.  It's all love, I just hold this team to higher standards, nah mean?  You see, I come from the era when teams put on extra pads to play the Panthers, when we left marks on teams more black and blue than our uniforms.  Word.  I come from the era when they used to lock Julius Peppers in a cage all week and feed son raw meats and poke him with sticks and shit until Sunday.  So when I see this pack of gummy bears we call a team come out and disgrace themselves like that, I can't just lest the shit fly, nah mean? Having said that, I need to get a few things of my chest.

Yo, this game really made want to go outside and flip my back porch over b.  Honestly, I couldn't even watch the shit all the way through.  Molecules is usually in it until the final whistle blows but this week's game really had me mad enough to go smack someone with a light pole.  So instead, I picked up the remote.  But yo, some crazy shit happened when I flipped the channel b.  My four-year-old niece got mad at me and told me that I better turn it back par.  Yo, I almost balled her up and threw her back to her parent's house but it occured to the god that she was actually serious.  Shit caught me off guard because she's only four and had never shown any interest in the epic battles of gladiators like that or nothing but I turned it back anyways.  When I flipped the station back over, she was really into it.  Since, we were down 30-3 at this point, I thought she was either taking enjoyment in the misery of the god or was becoming a Titans fan.  At that moment, I thought about banishment son and I went to go look for a catapult.  When I walked back in the room, she was still there b, except now she wasn't paying attention to the game anymore.  Her eyes were wondering all over the room and she was all poking at the sky and shit like some kind of fucked up Ray Charles.  It was right then that I figured out what was going on.  Yo, she could care less about the game b.  All she cared about was the purple and pink heart-shaped bubbles that were emmitting from the Panther's players and flying off the TV screen.  She thought she was watching some 3-D Care Bear shit.

The scene was enough to make the god really question some things.  Like yo, is this really what it has come to?  I mean at this point they may as well go ahead and run with that.  They need to go ahead and body that Care Bear shit if they're going to play like that.  Real talk, they need to replace the smoke blower and start shooting out rainbows and bubbles so the Panther's can cartwheel and skip out of the tunnel.  They need to go ahead and slap a big heart emblem on our helmets and be done with it.  Call it the Carolina Care Bears

 I mean where are we going to draw the line b?  Forget testing for steroids, someone needs to test this team for estrogen, find out where they're getting it from and cut that out.  We got some players on this team that are bathing in that shit.  For example, Sherrod Martin.  I look at that dude and I swear I think if I punched him in the stomach that shit would probably make a squeaky sound. It's not everybody but the overall style of this team is straight satin panties yo.  And if it's not softness its stupidity.  I mean we really put the "special" in special teams.  The special teams coach is a straight failure b.  Failure is an attribute he looks for in players.  If he sees a player drop a pass in practice, he's like, "yo we need some of that over here."  If he sees a player miss a block, he signs them up.  He takes failure real personally b.  He doesn't want anybody failing unless he has something to do with it.  For real, if he sees someone fall of their bicycle, he wants in. 

Yo, one last thing before I break out.  Will someone please explain to Cam what regression means before he gets up there and plays himself like that again?  I mean for real, someone needs to be standing in the background ready to yank the mic chord when anybody ask him a question that requires more than a yes or no answer.  I mean son be up there talking some straight ignorant shit sometimes b.  Before too long somebodies going to get hold of some of those sound-bytes and just run with em and make a cartoon out of that shit.  For real. Aight, peace.

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