Armanti, the truth...

Since we’re currently in a relative lull in off-season action, it seems a good time to pass along the following story related to Armanti Edwards.

I can’t prove the facts included in this write-up, I can only say that my info comes from a "credible" source who looked a lot like Peter King. Now, many of you have heard about the unfortunate accident Armanti experienced with a lawn mower. But do you know the whole truth? In point of fact, the lawn mower actually cut his foot clean off. Being as tough as he is, Armanti simply picked up the foot and proceeded to hop to the nearest hospital. I’m told his 40-time during this journey was clocked at 4.68, but this is unsubstantiated. As the surgeon prepared to reattach the foot, Armanti adamantly refused any anesthesia, saying: "I’ve got a game tomorrow, and I need my head to be clear." Sure enough, just before the opening kickoff, Armanti jogged onto field without even limping. Even more remarkable, he proceeded to throw for 220 yards, and run for an amazing 186 yards and 3 TDs.

Now all of that may sound incredible, but the crazy part is this. The game was in Gainesville against the future NCAA champion Gators. On the final play, Armanti escaped the pocket and appeared headed for the winning TD when fate intervened. As he dove, (….pause for effect…) his foot fell off. The ball appeared to cross the goal line prior to his footless knee hitting the ground, and the refs originally called it a TD. However, after review, the call was overturned because the refs said his knee touched the top of an unusually tall blade of grass just before the ball crossed. A clearly disappointed Armanti picked up his foot and began hopping toward the locker room, exclaiming "Gosh darn it."

No record of this fantastic finish exists,  Indeed, there is no known record that the game was ever played. According to my source, the Gators were embarrassed to be so played so closely by a lowly FCS team, especially given such a controversial ending. Evidence strongly suggests that the most likely suspects in the cover-up are Urban Meyer, Sean Payton, the "Big Tuna," and Billy "the Hood" Bellichick. Footage was apparently erased accidentally.

Back in the locker room, Armanti reattached his own foot using piano wire and duct tape, and decided to go out for a drink. Upon reaching the local soda shop, he took a seat and placed his order. Two cheerleaders attempted to seduce him, inviting him for a "good time" in a bathroom stall. Of course, he refused. It happened that a young man with a camera recognized him, and when he pointed the camera at him, Armanti simply said: "I don’t often drink soda, but when I do, I drink Dos Cactus Cooler. Stay thirsty, my friend." He is, quite simply, the most interesting QB/WR/KR in the world.

At  least, that's the way I heard it.  Flame on!