ESPN NFL 2010 Game Plan Leaked

ESPN spent the day in a planning session with NFL Live today to develop a game plan for  covering the 2010 NFL season. Former Panther beat writer Pat Y gives a pre-meeting update:

Anyway, we had a meeting with the NFL Live television folks this morning and I got a chance to shake hands with Marcellus Wiley. We’ll be going into other meetings momentarily and laying out our coverage plans for next season. I've heard some of the plans already and I think you'll like them.

Though we are still waiting for the details of the game plan we did receive some tape from the meeting from an 'unnamed' source (we of course must protect our sources). The unofficial and unverifiable transcript after the jump...

NFL Network President Steve Bornstein George Bodenheimer opens the meeting:

Bornstein: "Thank you for your quick response to our request for a meeting."

Pat Y: "It's our pleasure sir. We cherish every opportunity to suck the hind tit of the NFL hard and strong. Biggest sport on the planet sir, screw the World Cup!"

Bornstein: Umm..okay, I think. So, what are your objectives for delivering quality coverage this season?

Al Davis interrupts: "Tell Berman to quit calling me the Crypt Keeper! If he calls me that one more time..."

ESPN President George Bodenheimer interrupts: "Boomer doesn't give nicknames to NFL owners anymore, it was in the last contract". [Davis returns to his cigarette]

Later, things get heated:

Panthers Owner Jerry Richardson: " I don't care how popular John Anderson is, he looks waaaay over 30, he has to go. I'm not paying top dollar for a guy I can get for 30% less."

Bodenheimer: "We'll have him dye his hair, no more gray." [Richardson appearing less than pacified, glares at Pat Y]

Pat Y: "I'm 29 sir. I ate bar-b-q chicken at your house. My son played ball with your grandson."

Richardson: "Just give me Stuart Scott if your going to cover the Panthers and I'll only raise your rates by 20%"

Goodell: "Maybe we should drug test the anchors. The Van Pelt guy looks like he's killed a few brain cells."

Bodenheimer: "What if we replace Hannah Storm with a cheerleader, will you back off on the drug testing?"

Wiley: "Make it Erin Andrews and you got a long as she wears the same thing she wore on Dancing with the Stars"

CSR was also able to get a copy of ESPN's proposed game plan going into the meeting:

Strategy #1: Give an exorbitant amount of coverage to praising Tom Brady, Bill Billichick and all things Patriots.

Strategy #2: Give half of the top Monday Night time slots to the teams in the NFC East all the while singing the praises of Roger Goodell.

Strategy #3: We will not air any footage of Girls Gone Wild - The Rothlisberger Chronicles

Strategy #4: Pretend bloggers are nerds who don't know football.

I'm trying to verify the accuracy of this report and though unsuccessful to date, I stand by it!

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