NFL Rules & Regulations According to #89

It's time to have a little fun my fellow Panther fans. Ever since the classic Steve Smith interview after the Vikings game the CSR editorial staff has kicked around the idea of doing a ‘Rules & Regulations' post or even a series. I think I have a good start to that. Below I have detailed rules 1 to 5 of the #89 Rules and Regulations of the NFL. I then ask that if anyone reading this should have their own rules and regulations that they want to add to the list then just do so. But I need each new rule to have its own unique number so you need to make sure you check the thread for the latest rules. I'm curious to see how many we can come up with.

When we get up to a significant number I'll convert the post to permanent page and post a link to it in the side bar for future reference. Then as new ‘rules' are established we can keep it updated. Sound fun? Alright, so I'll get it started.

The Rules and Regulations of the NFL per #89

Rule #1: Catch the Damn Ball!

The first rule has to involve the art of the catch. There is NO excuse for dropping a ball if you even get a pinky on it. So your favorite WR can make a one-handed catch. #89 makes one-armed catches. That's right, no matter if the other arm is broken with bones grinding against each other 89 completes the catch and then walks off the field talking smack all the way. There's no dropping the ball after a so-called ‘big hit' like prima donna WR's do. 89 makes the catch, period.

Rule #2: Score the Touchdown

When 89 has the opportunity to score he scores, come hell or broken arm (reference rule #1). There is no ‘almost scored' in the realm of 89. There is no running out of bounds. There is only 6 points. 89 exists to be in the end zone and to that end he never stops. If you should be the DB that allowed 89 into the end zone (many of the best have) then do expect to be reminded by 89 as to rule #2. Pictured: 89 indicates Rule #2 has been enforced!

Rule #3: Palm to Grill

If you should be so unfortunate as to come within a 3 foot circle of 89 when 89 has the ball you will receive a palm to your grill that is attached to a very stiff and muscular arm. Do not let the measurable size of 89 fool you, if you invade the 3 foot circle you will receive punishment no matter who you are. 89 takes his space seriously and so should you.

Rule #4: You Have No Name

In the realm of 89 you have no given name, just a number, and the number at the top of the list is...is 89. Your number is made of digits, like 22, not spelled out like "Ocho Cinco". You being the lowly number that you are can only hope to get close to 89 but you will never be equal. 89 is the Ace of Spades in the NFL (damn the 90's).

Rule #5: Watch Your Blind-side

89 not only catches the ball in God-like fashion but he can also dominant in run blocking. If you are a DB looking to make a tackle on a stretch play be forewarned that 89 will drill you on your blind slide and subsequently spring the RB for a TD. See 89 relishes all TD's scored by Panthers and takes great pride in it. So if you are a DB laying on the turf as a Panther RB goes by and are wondering what just happened, well its easy. Rule #5 by 89.

So how do you like the Rules & Regulations so far? Got any to add?

SB Nation Featured Video
X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Cat Scratch Reader

You must be a member of Cat Scratch Reader to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Cat Scratch Reader. You should read them.

Join Cat Scratch Reader

You must be a member of Cat Scratch Reader to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Cat Scratch Reader. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9341_tracker