NFL Rules & Regulations According to #89

I thought for sure it was going to be on here. :)

6 points, No matter what- Rule No. 6 is 89’s favorite rule. 89 has referenced #6 multiple times in his career, 50 times to be exact… and if you think 89 is stopping there, then you need to go ahead and get a hard-bound copy of this rule book, so you can keep it on the shelf for long-term reference. But rule #6 doesn’t just apply to 89’s collection of 6 points. No sir No way. See 89 is dedicated to improving the 6 point totals of everyone wearing Panther Black and Blue on Sundays. So 89 makes sure to be passionate at all times! Yell at the coaches! Yell at the players! Yell at the refs! (but not as loud… they seem to have a "different" copy of the rules and regulations) Yell loud and proud… that you CAN’T WIN without rule #6, because 89 SAYS SO.

- edited because the 1. was not supposed to be there, and “6 points, No matter what” is supposed to be in bold.

That’s right. If you should somehow get it into your head that you can talk smack to 89 and somehow rattle or unnerve him…even if he’s already talking smack to you…realize it will only hurt you in the long run. That’s because smack talk from overconfident DBs only angers and motivates 89 to unprecedented levels. And you won’t like him when he’s angry, because he’ll soon be running past you on the next play and absolutely torching you for a score. Then, you’ll be the one who gets an earful of smack talk…the real kind…the kind backed up by walking the talk all over the field of play…and all over you.

Effective immediately upon the inclusion of ‘Code 43’, there will be no touchdown celebrations in our house, unless done so by the home team. Likewise, there will be no touchdown celebrations when on the road, unless done so by the away team. There will be no touchdowns from opposing teams period, for that matter. If, by chance, you happen to score a touchdown, please review the handbook provided upon entry, locate ‘Rule #2’, and realize that Steve Smith has already scored 28 points this quarter.

89 truly does believe this is a team based one the run game: run after the catch. Whether you wanna characterize 89’s speed as explosive or incendiary, you better be ready to stop a rabid panther once he gets the ball in his hands.

Do not study game film on 89 … 89’s incendiary speed cannot be caught on film because proper video equipment has not been invented yet. 89 is actually moving 10x faster in reality than he appears to move on film, and studying game film on 89 will only lead to embarrassment and shame for the defense.

Rule #11 – 89 Owns the NFC South

Though 89 from time to time may show compassion for another team and let them temporarily occupy the NFL South mantle in the end 89 owns the NFC South. 89 will trample opponents to return to the top. The fact that another team occupies the throne one season makes the reclaiming it the next that much sweeter. Yes, there is no doubt who rules the NFS South…its 89!

Much like rule #4 states ‘You have no name’ rule #13 dictates that you respect your elders.

This is punctuated if you are a ‘youngster’ trying to tell a seasoned vet who you are.

Number 89 owns all jump balls. Period. Even if taller DBs surround him, the ball must still come to 89. He will outjump you. He will outmuscle you. He will, quite frankly, outplay you for the ball. Expect it. Deal with it.

Don’t expect to tackle 89 very easily. In fact, in most cases, don’t expect to tackle him at all. It’s more likely he’ll catch the ball and motor past you before you even have a chance to do so. But, if for some reason 89 does find himself surrounded by tacklers, prepare for a surprising bit of Houdini-style magic that suddenly frees him and yet again gives 89 many, many Yards-After-Catch.

Number 89 catches balls at both their highest and lowest points in the air. Even while falling down…backwards…surrounded by defenders, the ball must still find its way into his hands.

There is no such thing. 89 uses his blazing speed to out-run every defender, therefore he cannot commit a penalty against a defender that is 10 yards behind him clearing dust out of his eyes.

You have to tell Smitty about it, I would be interested to know what he thinks about these rules, and I’m sure everyone else would as well.

89 has been known to show his joy of scoring touchdowns (see rule no. 2) in very creative fashions. From holding the football like a baby, to performing CPR on it, this is his way of showing that he owns the football. Especially in the end zone. In fact, 89 will sometimes decide simply to strike a supermodel pose in the end-zone, just to confuse opponents. In recent years, 89 has established his ownership of the football and end zone so well, that he finds these statements unnecessary, as everyone in the NFL is aware that this is HIS property.

Sure 95% of the world have moved on to a simple belt rather than wearing suspenders… but that doesn’t mean you have to.

Smitty shows on every 1st down just how stylish suspenders are by simply snapping them as he prepares to get back to work.

89 does not drop passes that are thrown to him. Any “dropped pass” from 89 is the result of the football running away from 89’s destructive grip.

As referenced in Rule #3, 89 may appear small in size though, rest assured, 89 always ends up the bigger man. Do not attempt to stop #89 alone. If you attempt to bully him through size advantage alone, you will end up with back-to-field wondering what just happened. For further illustration, pictures follow:

This is #89 Pre-Contact:

This is #89 Post-Contact:

89 does not feel pain. 89 can get his arm broken while catching a touchdown with a smile cuz he doesn’t feel the pain. The only pain 89 feels is when he’s delivering pain. Seriously was that not incredible, Peter King reported that Steve Smiths only response was ouch when asked about his arm. It’s amazing…………… It’s amazing…………… that we even got up this evening…….ooooooooooooooooooooooo………….o..o..o..o…..89..89…….o.o.o.o.o no receiver better you could fine catching passe’s that’ll blow ya mind insane when he hears dem words hut hut hike da DB’s be looking like they sleeping as he swifts pass them out of there slight and don’t run your mouth or underestimate da size cuz he’s a panther man this cat can fight so realize da best and if you don’t believe it come to CSR SB nation then will educate you about 89’s rules and regulations.

A bit of history here detailing something that has been widely misconstrued for years. A good while ago there was a certain man, a famous man, that was quoted “float like a butterfly and sting like a bee, your hands can’t hit what your eyes can’t see”. That man was Muhammad Ali. What people did not know, however, was that Ali was actually speaking of a prophecy thousands of years old. The final line was lost through the media, though it went something along the lines of…

“Beware of the under dog that they’ll call Steve.”